Coming Soon!

I promise there will be a blog post again soon.  Until then, here is some important information that everybody should know in an emergency.

Happy Christmas!

Greetings, one and all!

I just wanted to drop a quick post to wish you all a Happy Christmas.  I hope you all had fun and ate too much.  For my part, I discovered that a slice of french toast, a cup of soy milk, and some maple syrup make a pretty darn nummy shake!

Be happy, be safe!  And I'll see you all later!

(via)

Happy Anniversary!

Today is the one month anniversary of my surgery.  And while it's not been fun, I'm still happy I had it done.  Misery with a future of normalcy is so much better than misery and no hope.  So, yay surgery!

What a Difference Six Hours Make

I went to both Dr Movahed and Dr Keller yesterday and I think they came up with some things that are helping me.

I talked with Dr Movahed about all the things that have been bothering me.  Much as I has suspected, he said that it was all very normal and that I was still doing very well and he was still very happy with my condition.  What he was not happy with the fact that I had gotten 2.5 hours of sleep the night before.  He asked how much I'm sleeping and I told him about five hours a night, usually in one to two ours stints with long periods awake in between.  He was concerned about that and pointed out the being sleep deprived stresses the body, a stressed body produced cortisol and cortisol inhibits healing.  From Wikipedia: "Elevated levels of cortisol, if prolonged, can lead to proteolysis (breakdown of proteins) and muscle wasting.^[9] Several studies have shown a lipolytic (breakdown of fat) effect of cortisol, although, under some conditions, cortisol may somewhat suppress lipolysis.^[10] Another function is to decrease bone formation.^[3]  So he recommended I take a sleep aid.  I totally wasn't interested in that be he not-so-gently insisted.  So I got a prescription for clonazepam which is on-label used for panic disorders and seizures.  But he said that he's tried a lot of medications over the years and this is the one that works best for his patients, allowing them to sleep and sometimes helping with muscle pain as well.

Then is was to Dr Keller.  I talked with him about he same things.  He decided that he was going to try dropping my elastics from a 6 (whatever that means) to a 2.  This would elevate the tightness and the clenching.  We decided to go ahead and fix the broken bracket too so we could return to the original elastics configuration.  Being in the loosened elastics has made me feel so much better.  He gave me some 4 elastics as well, in case I didn't feel like I was getting enough support from the 2s.  But, so far. I'm happy and going to stick with them.

Last night I took the clonazepam and got a solid six hours of sleep.  I felt so good this morning!  One problem?  It also tended to try to fall over for no reason and stared at air molecules.  Dr Movahad said that might happen but that it should clear up in a few days.  But I was so happy to feel good that I didn't mind having to make James come home from work to drive me to P.T. (neither of us felt I was safe to drive).  That and the fact I don't hurt from the elastics are making me a much happier camper.  And look what I can do to prove it!

Yeppers, I can smile!  Yay!

So at the moment, I'm feeling better about things than I have in about a week.  And I think everybody is grateful for that!

See everybody later!

...Don't Say Anything at All

Hello, Everybody.

So, I'm sure you've all noticed that I've been off the posting lately.  That's because I've been following the old adage of "If you can't find something nice to say...(title of post)".  I've not had anything positive to say this week and I feel like, if I post negative stuff, people will think I'm fishing for compliments or something.  But it's been quite a while now and I feel like I should be posting something.

Nothing horrible has happened for me to be negative about, but nothing (I feel is) positive has either.  I'm on yet another week of antibiotics because of that draining fistula.  Dr Movahed said he may have to debride it Monday.  That will require a novacaine shot and the rather nasty cleaning up of the area.  Yay.  I was told that I needed to take the week off rehab because the muscles in my face are all tight and spasmed and I'd just make things worse by trying to work them.  So that's one more week of scar tissue growing that will reduce my chances of a near-normal recovery.  And my muscle are still tight and spasmed  I have a bracket of my braces that has fallen off and they can't fix it right now because I can't open my mouth enough for them to get back to it.  So they changed the pattern of my elastics and it's really tight and causing pain in my jaw and I'm clenching my teeth because it's so tight. I'm not sleeping worth a damn and "eating" is getting to be more of a battle everyday.  Over all, I am not a happy camper.  But it is what it is.  I see both Dr Movahed and Dr Keller on Monday and we'll see what can be done to get things back on track.  And I've had a sore throat for the last few days and I'm really afraid of getting sick.  I've been trying to rest a lot and hope I don't actually get sick. *fingers crossed*

On a different note, we discovered that the new "The Muppets" (2011) movie isn't nearly as good as "Muppets Most Wanted" (2014) but that you really need to see "The Muppets" for "Muppets Most Wanted" to make sense.  We discovered this by watching them out of order.  If you haven't already seen them, we recommend sacrificing the time for the "The Muppets" to help with enjoying "Muppets Most Wanted".

And now, something to try to counteract all the negative: nostalgia!

I'm Still Here

Just a quick post to let everybody know I'm still here. Just not a lot to say. I'll try to get something together soon. Thanks for sticking with me.

Party On!

As you may remember, I went to my friends' house for a christmas party last night.  It went really well.  It was so nice to get out of the house and spend time with people; both old friends and some new faces.  Other than a few instances of longing over the "groaning board" (aka there was a lot of really yummy looking food) I didn't feel deprived or left out at all.  And, much to my surprise, we were there for five hours!  I really didn't think I would last longer than one or two hours.  And other than being a little more tired and sore in the face today, there doesn't seem to have been any negative repercussions.  So, overall, it was a good time.

We did get up this morning to take Ariel to PetsMart for her annual picture with Santa.  But get this crap, they don't have a live Santa!  WTF?!  They sit the critter in a chair and then line it up with a "virtual" Santa.  And they don't print it out, they email it to you.  But you can but a frame for $7.99, only 10% of which goes to their Charities.  Screw that!  So this will be the first year that Ariel didn't get her picture taken with Santa since we adopted her.  I'm pretty upset with PetsMart about that.  Ariel wasn't pleased either since she was harnessed, boxed, carred, and all around tortured for nothing.

I think I'm getting the hang of the tramadol thing. The trick is to not wait for the full six hours but to pay attention to the pain level.  If you don't let it get too bad, the tramadol is fine.  But if it hurts too much, it won't really work to kill the pain.  I've had two other sources tell me the same thing.  Good to know.  If I'm feeling up to it, I may try driving to the P.T. tomorrow.

That's all for today!  Hope all y'all have a good week!

Misc.

Nothing big today, just a few little things.

The stitch right in the middle of my upper lip that was rubbing against the wire of my braces and irritating the heck out of my lip (and me) fell out last night. Yay!

Six hours is too long to wait between doses of the the tramadol (pain med). Four to five seems to be working though.  I think I'll try driving here in the next couple of days and see how I do.

I want to say a big Thank You to my friend Michelle.  She hooked me up with some great facial moisturizer that means I've only had some areas of my face that flaked off instead huge areas that peeled off.  Thanks, hon!

We're going to a party at my friends' house tonight.  I probably won't be able to stay long because: 1. It hurts to talk too much and 2. I tire out quickly.  But I like the idea of getting out for a while.  So, looking forward to it.

Hope everybody is having a good weekend!

A Look Inside My Head

Hello, Everybody!

I had an appointment with Dr Movahed yesterday.  It went really well.  He still says that things are well on track and that I'm doing great.  He seemed especially happy with how well the sutures lines on my neck are healing and took photos for documentation.  Here are some of the high points we talked about.

After seeing me and poking around the area of my bionics (what I've started calling my prosthetics), he's pretty darn sure that the infection is not in that (thank goodness!).  He said that if it was in the bionics, there would be swelling, redness, tenderness, etc. and there's none of that.  He's sure it's in that screw hole and that there is nothing to worry about.  So I'm feeling better about that.

Apparently I have a suture in my nose that is keeping my nose from widening as things heal.  This is why is hurts to touch my nose.  I mean hurts.  Even putting lotion on or wiping it.  It's a dissolving suture and some day there will be a ping; no more suture.  That sounds like it'll be weird.

It's been almost a month now since James has been at work on a regular basis and both he and his coworkers are ready for that to change.  But I'm going to so many doctor's appointments and can't drive myself because of the narcotics.  So we're trying tramadol which is a non narcotic pain killer.  I just started it this morning so we'll see how it goes.

He said to stop treating the suture lines on my neck with antibacterial ointment and start with Mederma (scar reducing gel).  He's pretty sure that those are going to heal with little or no scarring.  The belly wound may need a scar revision procedure.  I have a flap of skin that's hanging off part of it and will need to be removed to keep it from being constantly irritated by clothing.  He says they can do it in office in a couple of months post surgery.

Also while I was there, the surgery nurse, Iryna (isn't that a cool spelling?) gave me a CD with some of the images that have been taken post surgery.  Shall we have a look?

My first thought?  Holy crap, that a lot of metal!  I'll be worth something in recycling someday!  And I'm pretty sure my MRI days are over.

And the image quality is pretty spectacular.  I find things that I can see that are inside me to be fascinating so I spend a lot time studying this. Is that narcissistic?

Also noticed that I have no curve in my neck what so ever.  Let's compare.

Normal Neck Curvature

Heather's (lack of) Neck Curvature

This actually is related to a lot the neck and jaw dysfunction and pain that I've had most of my adult life.  We can't say if one caused the other, but they certainly fed off each other.  And it's also why my head thrusts forward.  I need to talk with Shawn (P.T.) and my chiropractor it see if there is anything we can do to improve that.

OK, I think that's all for now.  Hope everybody out there doing well!

Oh Look, A Third Shoe.

Sorry for not posting recently.  Yesterday was not a good day for me and I pretty much didn't do anything.Nothing terrible about yesterday, I just didn't sleep well the night before and I think all this is starting to catch up to me, mentally.  It's starting to be a little overwhelming.  But I'm sure that's all normal for the circumstances.

We did have a third shoe drop on Tuesday.  I went to see Dr Keller and he found a seeping fistula in my mouth on the lower, right jaw.  That means I have an infection in there that's draining.  That completely blind-sided us.  I was having no symptoms at all (no fever, no pain, etc.)  After some xrays, exploration, and talking with Dr Movahed, they think the infection is from a temporary screw that was used during the surgery.  They've put me back on clindamycin (antibiotic).  Neither of them seem too worried about it but I see Dr Movahed today and I'll get more info about it then.  This was getting close to the last straw on surprises, part of what made yesterday so bad.  Things were going so well during/after surgery and now it seems like it's coming undone.  I'm not at all happy about that.  I am grateful for all the good I've had up to now but the current trend seems to be in the wrong direction.  Sorry, not good at positive thinking under normal circumstances and doubly not so at the moment.

We took some new pics after my shower yesterday.

We see me every day so we don't notice much difference.  I did notice my lips look different and my face is slimming out (that may be because I've lost 9lbs since the surgery).  Emoting still isn't happening for the outside world, though Jamie says he's learning to read the new expressions.  Feel free to comment/email anything you notice since the last set of pics.

Speaking of changes, I didn't really realize how much my face had changed until Jamie made this for me.

What a difference a surgery makes!

That's about all for now.  Let me go find something cute/funny...  (dig, dig, dig)  Ah!

Another Doctor, Another Test

I went to the vascular specialists (there was the doctor and a resident) today.  He confirmed the blood clot, though he thinks it is smaller than the ER doctor did.  He said that everything appears to be fine as far as current circulation via my ulnar artery goes and he thinks that the clot will either break up or the artery will route around it in a few weeks.  He is ordering a blood profusion test in my hand bit I'm considering refusing that.  There is absolutely no indication that my profusion isn't just fine.  I'll have to give that some thought.  The pain is diminished at the moment and I'm using my left hand pretty normally.  He thinks that the pain is from the swelling at the clot effecting the surrounding nerves and that should go away as the clot does.  Long term, he says things should return to normal.  Yay!

Really the only negative of the whole thing is that he wants me to stop taking my birth control, at least until after I'm cleared of this clot.  That means unfettered hormones and (probably) a period on blood thinners.  I'm not happy with either those things.  Neither is Jamie (poor guy).  But better safe than sorry.

That's really all to report today.  And now for something cute!

Look who grew into his bowtie!

Give Us a Smile!

Or, maybe not!

The funny thing is, the harder I try to smile, the farther the corners of my mouth go down.  I can't do Grumpy Cat this well when I have full control of my facial expressions.

Random Thoughts

My Current Bodily Composition

50% Carmex
25% Narcotics
10% Other Meds
5% Stuff a Human Body is *Supposed* to Be Made Of

The Other Shoe

Things have been going so incredibly well with this surgery that I was sure there was a price to pay for all that.  I think the bill came due last night.

I woke up Saturday morning with the pain in my left wrist from the arterial line back.  I had noticed it on and off but it wasn't horrible and Dr Movahed (surgeon) said that some pain wasn't unusual.  During the day Saturday it kept getting worse and I noticed the pain spreading up my arm toward my elbow.  Fast forward to 2am Sunday.  I woke from a couple hours of sleep to excruciating pain in that arm.

After trying to figure out what to do, we decided to call the nurse line from our insurance company.  She recommended getting a hold of my surgeon or, failing that, going to the ER.  Thus we entered the After-Hours Zone.  We called the office number to get the exchange number to talk with the doctor on-call.  The recording gave us a number; that number gave us a person who gave us another number; that number gave a recording that gave us a number that sent us back to the person; that person said they would page the on-call  doctor who never called.  We gave up and called Dr Movahed's cell (sorry, we tried not to) and he said to go to the ER.

Of course, they were very busy.  We spent 1.25 hours waiting to get back (I've heard of worse) and then they took us back to a hall bed.  I've never had to do that before and is indicative of how busy they were.  After another 45 minutes, the ER doctor came in to see me.  After some questions and a little poking, he said I would have to come back in a few hours for an ultrasound; that whole thing took about 5 minutes.  He left, came back in 10 minutes to tell me to be at the ER at 10am.  A few more minutes then a nurse came in to have me sign discharge papers and told me I could go.

I. Was. Pissed. I just spent 3 hours in the emergency room to see the doctor for 5 minutes for him to tell me to come back in 4 hours. In hindsight, it was better to be home than sitting in the emergency room for that 4 hours. But hindsight is 20/20 and I didn't see that at the time.

So we came back at 10 a.m. to the ER. At the front desk they told me to drive to the heart hospital (same campus). Jamie, being the good husband that he is, had dropped me off at the ER and gone to park the car. So now I had to wait for him to get there so he could go back and get the car to drive us to the heart hospital.

The ultrasound tech was a very nice lady and watching the ultrasound from my neck to my wrist was actually pretty cool. I could see the vein she was tracking and blood flow through it. And even I could tell when we found the issue. I had a blood clot in my artery, or more particularly, a radial artery occlusion. She called down to the ER, and the doctor on duty said to have me come back down. Nice ultrasound lady walked us through the hospital to the ER in far less time than it took to drive over and park from the ER. Thank you ER front desk girl!

After a brief stay in the waiting room of the ER, I was asked if would be willing to take a hall bed again in order to expedite seeing the doctor. I agreed and in less than 10 minutes I was back to listening to ER nurses banter around the nurse's station. Fifteen minutes later the ER doctor appeared, along with two nurses. While one nurse hooked me up to the blood pressure/pulse/ox monitor, the other nurse started setting up to insert an IV. I noticed Jamie looking at her wide-eyed and looked over to see what was going on. When I saw that they were trying to poke me yet again, my well reasoned and mature response was, "Oh hells no!" Doctor looked at me sternly and said "Well, we may need to to save your arm." "Look, I already have 5 holes in me, only one of which was in use by the time I left this hospital after the surgery. I really don't want stuck in anymore" Fortunately, the doctor decided that they would talk to the vascular specialist and if I needed an IV, they would insert it then and not now. Thank you very much, mister doctor!

Half an hour and one hospital gown bathroom trip later, the doctor came back which OK news, and good news. The OK news was that I did indeed have an inch and a half blood clot in my radial artery. The good news was it was treatable with oral medication and I could go home. Yay! So after time for discharge papers we came home.

So I've started a blood thinner (right now for the next 2 weeks) and I need to go visit the vascular specialist ASAP. I still have good circulation in the Ulnar artery, so at this time my hand is not in danger. But, much to my surprise, this little mofo hurts worse than anything so far in this surgery. I have pain every time I move my arm or hand, and I can't hold anything with my left hand (of course it was my left hand!). I am now, officially, an invalid. I can't make my own food, change my own clothes, wash dishes, prepare medication, etc. While I'm pissed about this, I guess the "other shoe" could have been much worse. I will update on this as well as the jaw stuff in the future.

Thanks for reading this update/rant. Hope everything is well out there.

Truer Words...

I spoke with Dr Movahed last night via cell phone. I wouldn't usually have called but we didn't manage to connect on Thursday and it was looking like not on Friday.

Anyway, I wanted to talk to him because I was frustrated by the fact that I was more painful and less functional than when I left the hospital and was it something I was doing? His response (in much more professional words) was, "Look, kid. You have no idea just how effed up your face is at the moment. You're doing amazingly well and things are going as they should. Sit back and go with the flow." All of which is completely accurate and I know it. Doesn't mean I have to like it. *pout*

Anyway, after I hung up the phone, Jamie said, "Poor guy. He probably thought the surgery was the hard part of taking care of you."

:-D

That was F.U.N.*

So I was just walking through the kitchen talking to Jamie when there was a *ping* in my mouth.

Oh sh1t!  I just broke my first elastic.  Which is perfectly normal except nobody has shown us how to put them on.  Fortunately, Dr Keller's office gave us some bands, a tool and a diagram of my current arrangement on my last visit.  (We added the headlamp and the second tweezers.)

So at least we had the stuff.  Jamie gets to figure the rest out.  Lucky guy!

It wasn't easy (I have one hook that is really close to my gum and even the experienced people have troubles with it) or pretty (Jamie has an impressive cuss-vocabulary) and it was, of course, a back elastic making his first time out even more challenging.  He did it!  I'm so proud of him!  I know he was really not looking forward to having to do the elastics and was afraid that he would quit because it hurt me.  But he rose to the occasion beautifully!  *Hugs hubby*

I had read on blogs of people doing these elastics by themselves but I certainly don't see how.  Firstly, I can't see the back of my own mouth.  Secondly, I have to hold my cheek out of the way and it required two tools to do the job.  Not being Zaphod Beeblebrox**, I'm not sure how that would work.  Thankfully, I don't have to.  I have a loving and supportive husband who's willing to stick his fingers in my mouth if needs be.

So, crisis dealt with, husband praised.  And the worst part is some jaw muscle soreness.  All in all, I'll call that a success!

*Effed Up Nonsense
**Three-armed character from Douglas Adams's "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

Who Knew?

I didn't think that the binder they were having me wear around my belly wound was doing anything.  Until I went without it for a few hours.  Owie.

So, On to Wednesday

OK, so on Wednesday I went in for a visit with Dr Movahed (surgeon).  He was beside himself with how well I'm doing  He, and everybody at the office, was surprised that I was talking at all or doing much of anything that I'm doing.  They were all quite happy for me.

There was one thing that I found surprising and somewhat disconcerting.  The roof of my mouth has felt very different since the surgery; there is a very definite ledge on the roof of my mouth just about where it transitions from "mouth" to "throat".  I figured this was the dreaded surgical splint that I had read about.  I found out that I don't have a surgical stint, that's the actual roof of my mouth.  That ledge is not the edge of the splint, it's the edge of my skull that he moved for the lower jaw placement. Eh?! *shocked*  That threw me off for about two days.  It weirded me out every time I would swallow and my tongue would push against it. *shiver*

Dr Movahed also removed my external stitches so I have a little more freedom in washing my hair and face.  Still not supposed to scrub at them or damage the area but I can accidentally bump them without too much issue.  I need to keep antibiotic ointment on them for the next 4-5 days, then I switch over to Mederma to reduce the chances of permanent scars.

We talked about several questions I had (like when will I be able to hear right again - 1-1.5 months; is the ear pain normal - yes, 1-1.5 months; how long will I have the bloody seepage from my sinuses  - at least 2 months, etc.).  Then he gushed some more about how well I'm doing.  As I was leaving, his patient care coordinator gave me a goodie bag.  So sweet of them!  And then they gushed about how well I was doing, "Oh wow, I can't believe how well you're talking!  You look so good!" and so on.

Since Jamie had some things to drop off at work and the surgeon's is a whole two miles from his office, he decided to stop by there.  I chose to go in and see people.  Everyone said the same things about how I'm talking and looking, etc.  It was nice to spend some time out with people, but it was time for me to go pretty quickly.  I fell asleep in the car on the way home and passed out for about an hour once we were home.  All in all, not a bad day.

I think being surrounded by so many people (some who know how things are supposed to go) and still being this impressed was the first time I started to truly understand how lucky/blessed/adjective of choice I am.  I really can't say it's been as bad as I had read or imagined it would be.  But considering what I've had done I really should be a lot less together than I am.  While I would be happy to be giving this part a miss, I am beginning to understand just how bad it *could* be.  So, to all concerned; from health care team to friends & family to any "other" factors:  Thank you.  There is going to be whining in the future.  Please do think that that complaining lessens my gratitude for all that I've received.

Yeah, So That Didn't Happen

Sorry there wasn't a post today.  I've been having a bad day (this time more pain, less emo) and never got my sh1t together enough to write something.  I'm hoping to have a go tomorrow.  After I refill my pain meds which I was stupid enough to allow to run out. *sigh*

Here's something funny instead?

The Post of Many Things - Is Long

OK, so yesterday wasn't the best day.  I think it was part proverbial "Bad Day" (every recovery as them) and part because I should have been back on my blood pressure medication (139/101 may be a bit too high).  So there is a lot to catch up on.  Here goes.

Monday - Dr Keller
We went to Dr Keller's for my first post-op visit on Monday evening.  Well, technically afternoon but it's dark so early now I lose track.  He was very happy with what he saw.  He said my new placement was about as level as one could hope for.  He, too, said that my recovery is going remarkably quickly and he's very happy.
He gave me some warnings about making sure I keep up my nutrition (*eye roll*) and to make sure that I follow all the things that I've been/ will be told to do.  And he was particularly pointed in telling me that I have to be very careful this winter.  I must. not. fall. down.  If there is any question that I can walk somewhere safely, don't do it.  Any trauma to my head or face could be irreparable at this stage.  That kinda scared me.  So now I'm more careful around the house and Jamie is always holding me when we walk outside.  Other than the dire warnings to be careful though, he was very positive about my prognosis.

Tuesday - The "Bad Day"
In the middle of the night Monday/Tuesday, I woke up convinced that I wasn't breathing.  I mean convinced.  I was fine as long as I was awake but as soon as I started to fall asleep, I knew I stopped breathing.  Oh, great!  That's one of the things this surgery was supposed to fix!  I panicked.  I paced, I shook, I woke up Jamie (so sorry, honey).  He spent some time talking with me and be all logical and sh!t like that.  It, of course, didn't work.  I knew (front brain) that there was an extremely thin chance of me now being an apneic sleeper; but I also knew (back brain) that I wasn't breathing.  He did eventually manage to talk me back to bed and, after changing the angle of the wedge pillow, a I dozed for the rest of the night.  This, however, set the tone for Tuesday.

I woke up feeling very negative, painful, angry, resentful, snippy, etc., etc., etc.  I sniped at Jamie.  I sniped at the cat.  I sniped at the blender.  I sniped at myself.  I made myself cry.   It was, all around, a very negative situation.

At some point in all of this, I decided I should check my blood pressure since I'd been off my medication for it but had restarted my birth control.  I was rather shocked by what I saw: 139/101.  Holy crap!  I went off immediately to take some meds and make sure that I redistributed them in to my daily pills.  Well, this certainly may explain some of the issues.  I'll monitor myself for the next couple of days and make sure that I get things back under control.

One good thing, I got to shower!  Yay for hair that isn't so covered in antibiotic ointment that it sticks out at odd angles.  Post-shower is when I usually take new photos.  So, here ya go:

No huge changes to note.  The swelling continues to go down and shape and definition are returning.  And you can see from the profile pic that my glasses don't fit my face any more.  The part of my face that they rest on has moved forward so much the templepieces are too short.  I'm going to try to go in this weekend and see if they can do something about that.  And I just bought two new pairs, too. *pout*

While I felt somewhat better that I had found a cause for my sudden malaise, I still spent the rest of the day being more than a bit of a bitch.  I spent several hours on the couch watching Jeeves and Wooster, glaring with hatred at random air molecules.  Both Jamie and Ariel gave up and essentially avoided me for the rest of the night.  Very wise creatures are they.

And that brings us today.  But I'm getting really tired and need to go get "dinner".  So I'll do today tomorrow.  Ah, a procrastinator's dream!

Thanks for stopping by.  Please feel free to post any comments or questions.  Or email me off-blog if you got it.  Bye-bye!

Bad Ideas #1

It's a really bad idea to watch a Story Corps short seven days out from this surgery.  You have to stand in front of the mirror to cry so you can catch the tears before they run into your stitches.  Then you have to go figure out how to deal with all the snot without blowing your nose.  *sigh*  But I was having one of the Pit of Self-Despair days so it's good to know I can feel for something other than myself.  And hey, endorphin, right?

If you want to cry (and I know you will if you watch this), this is the one that got me.

On a better note, I'll have a cup of this please.

Submitted for Your Observation

Hello, All!

It's the moment I'm sure you've all (not) been waiting for!  The first post op pics!  *Kermit flail*

So here goes!

There's the new profile.  I have lot more chin and my jaw is forward and not falling back nearly as much.  They lowered my jaw and moved it forward to a more natural and functional position, removed and cleaned up the bad joint areas and attached the prosthetic jaw joints.  Then they detached my upper jaw from my skull moved it down and froward so my jaws would align better.  Once the jaw is settled in, they'll work on moving my teeth so that everything functions properly.

There was a lot less swelling then I had imagined and when these were taken (11/30) I was already starting to get some definition in my cheeks and my lips were lip-shaped (they were slab-shaped before).  In this pic you can also see the incision line on my throat.  There is also one that runs in front of my ear hole (pretty much the whole length of the ear)  and a matching set on the other side.  And also, you can tell from the color on my throat that my transition to frog is well underway.  (Yes, that whole area is green from bruising.  Weird!)

Oh my god, there's been a horrible Botox accident!  OK, maybe not.  But emoting if not high on my list of things to do right now.  My most expressive facial feature is my eyebrows.  I can do disapproval, disbelief (including sarcasm), anger and surprise.  Not yet figured out how to smile with my eyebrows.  I just tend to say, "I'm smiling."  You can also see the frog transition in this photo.  Wonder if they make vegetarian flies?

Yesterday, I started changing from numbness and general achy-ness to more feeling and more specific, sharp pains.  I'm becoming distinctly aware of the stitches inside my upper lip and where my braces and wires are poking me.  And this morning I noticed my face was cold for the first time.  So progress is being made there.

Another challenge has been food and meds.  They want me intaking 60+ grams of protein a day. Ha!  That's not easy for a normal person, let alone a vegetarian with a whey allergy who is eating mostly via syringe.  And all my meds are crushed pills and those taste like total shite!  There is no substance I've found yet that can hide the flavor so I'm doing meds shots (mix it with water and knock it back ASAP).

I have an appointment with Dr Keller (jaw doctor) today and then probably will see Dr Movahed (the surgeon) again on Wednesday.  I don't really have a plan outside of those right now, though I'm sure it'll become more clear as we go.

Thanks to everybody for their comments and support.  It's nice to be reminded there's a world out there.

What All the Fashionistas Are Wearing

Monday morning gave me the chance to check the latest in Surgery fashion.  As you can see, you can't go wrong the Bair Paws.  It offers the latest in paper gown comfort with a full wrap-around design (you want to save that tooshie for that special surgeon or tech) in a lovely violet hue.  This season's model offer a hook up to allow warm air to be gently blown into the gown making the ensemble perfect for any time the furnace just does not heat up enough.

No lady would want to allow their Bair Paws go unaccessorized.  I chose a few from the extensive collection, including (from the bottom):

1. The Cha-ching.  Not only will this lovely allow you to remember your own name and date of birth (because let me tell you remember shit otherwise!) and it's the go to bracelet for techs and nurses making sure you don't miss out getting charged for that $10 Tylenol.

2. L'Allergie.  I love touch of mystery to this piece.  It does it best to warn all and sundry that you have an allergy to something while never actually stating what that something is.  Vive le danger!

3.  The Fall Risk.  This cheery little number is a real attention-getter.  Every nurse, tech and housekeeper will watch you stroll on but with a possible-lawsuit twinkling in their eye.

4. And finally, the Blood-typer.  This great accessory is not only is there for you when you might bleed out but it's evolves!  Yes, it actually changes it's look periodically by leaving another little sticker stuck to your bed or to your hair.

I hope this little guide will be helpful if you ever need to explore the Wonderful World of the Hospital Fashion.

Well, I'm Still Alive

I'm sorry that there wasn't more posting. It's taken a whole lot more out of me than I was expecting. But everybody says that I'm doing amazingly well and it looks like I may be going home tomorrow. That's all I've got for now. Thanks so much for everybody's thoughts and prayers. They are just as much a part of the healing process. Hugs to everyone!

We're Off to See the Surgeon...

Well, off to the hospital in a few.  I think I'm going to need a clean pair of underwear soon.

Also, bye-bye old face.

It Begins...

I'm a terrible writer and a worse blogger, so please don't expect erudite or amusing posts.  Mainly, this a place for friends and family to check in for updates on how I'm doing post-op.  That being said, here's a little background.

For the past 5+/- years, I've been trying to fight my TMJ disorder using appliance therapy.  About 2 years ago, it was decided that my condition was just too far gone and I would have to have surgery.  After more MRIs and CTs of my joints it was concluded that I should have bilateral jaw joint replacements with custom prosthesis from TMJ Concepts.

(source)

I'll also be having my upper jaw relocated in a surgery related to a Lefort 1 Osteotomy.

(source)

(**Warning: Do NOT Google this unless you are prepared to see some pretty graphic photos.  You have been warned.)

For those that care, I'm currently at a 15mm (.6in) opening and no measurable side movement (average is considered to be 50mm).  The discs in both jaw joints are dislocated and fused, joints are disintegrated and show signs of arthritis and bone spurs.  I am currently unable to eat anything harder than overcooked pasta and subsist mostly on yogurt, cottage cheese, mashed potatoes and anything that can be swallowed without chewing.  I use an infant toothbrush because I can't get an adult toothbrush in my mouth anymore. I have constant pain in my face and neck.  This is why I'm willing to risk this surgery.

I do want to acknowledge the wonderful care that I have gotten and will continue to get from the members of my "jaw care team".

Dr Duane Keller and his staff.  If you have headaches, jaw noise or pain, dizziness etc., please consider contacting him.  If there is help to be had, he'll find it.

Shawn Everson, physical therapist extraordinare.  I truly think he's done more for my pain relief and got me further along then any other member of my team. (Sorry, guys.)  If you need a PT for any reason, please consider Shawn.  You won't regret it.

Dr Reza Movahed, my surgeon.  I'll admit that we haven't gotten to the surgery part yet but up to this point, he's been everything I could ask for in a surgeon.  He's knowledgeable, caring, and has way more energy than any one body should contain.  And his staff have been incredible, too.  (Hi, Jona!)

I should also mention that my TMJ journey started with Dr Gary Wiele.  He was also a very good doctor with the TMJ disorders.  When he decided he couldn't do anything else with my jaw, he recommended me to Dr Keller for a second opinion and possible other treatments.  I am eternally grateful for that.

I'm about 36 hours from surgery now and have transitioned from "Yay,I'm going to get this fixed!" to "Oh sh1t, oh sh1t, oh sh1t!!!"  But that's to be expected, I suppose.  So if this post is disjointed and makes little sense, that's why.  After that, I'm going to blame it on the pain meds.

Thanks for checking in on me.  Check back for updates in the future!